When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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