that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
