My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
