i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
