So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
