well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
