Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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