Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
