i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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