Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
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