it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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