My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
its liver damage thursday
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
