Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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