I want to have your abortion
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
