After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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