you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
and she was petting her beer can
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
