Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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