This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
