Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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