The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
