Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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