Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
So apparently I’m into choking now
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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