Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
