STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
