ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
