Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
