True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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