1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You have to summon your inner elephant
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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