how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
