The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
