If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
