Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's never too late to be topless.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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