i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
