The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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