i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I think i got beer on your cat.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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