You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
