Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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