my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
