covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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