Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
