Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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