You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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