can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
