Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
