Non-Jews are for practice
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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