physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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