you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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