direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
