I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
