Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
