I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
where am i from again
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
why do cheetos always look like penises
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
