I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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