I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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