dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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